Not doing well. . . but aching to feel better.

Hello lovelies,

 

Short and sweet post today, not doing well.

My sister is getting married on Saturday. I want to be the best big sister I can for my gorgeous ‘lil sister, but my anxiety is through the roof.

I am looking for some help here people.

Why is this illness so god damn selfish!!!

I feel totally guilty for not doing everything for her that I envisaged doing, when my little sis got married. But that was before I got ill.

I couldn’t go to her hen night – I had several panic attacks during the day, and as I now don’t drink (I haven’t drunk for years, due to all the meds) I knew I would feel so out-of-place and anxious at a rammed cocktail bar and club. She was   a m a z i n g  though, and totally understood.

I’m doing the make-up for my mum and my sister. I’m scared to death I won’t do it well, even though this used to be my job!!

I’m also seeing a Psychologist tomorrow morning for an assessment to see if ‘talking therapy’ would be good for me. I then get placed on a long and winding waiting list for it.

As I type this I have a million wedding things I’ve got to remember swirling through my head, things I   c a n n o t   forget. I think I need to make a list.

Thank you for listening to me vent spleen.

I hope you are all feeling well and strong,

Much Love,

Karen x

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15 thoughts on “Not doing well. . . but aching to feel better.

    • Yes she is a sweetheart. Fingers crossed Ill be put on a list for some sort of therapy! I hope you get your appt soon for the assessment. Ill do a post on it when I’ve had mine. Thanks for commenting, I hope you are feeling well, Karen x

  1. Pingback: Not doing well. . . but aching to feel better. | Mental Health, Politics and LGBT issues | Scoop.it

  2. I think it is great that you have something unique to offer, i.e., doing their makeup. As I read about your fear of getting it done right the first thought that came to mind was that it is more about the three of you spending time together then it is about the makeup. I’m sure however you do it will be beautiful because your very obvious love for your sister will come through your hands. More then anything, I’m sure your being there to do that for her (and your mom) will mean a lot more then perhaps you realize. Little actions can sometimes speak volumes.

    Oh and lists, yes, they help a lot…. without them I wouldn’t know what to do. 😉

    • Thanks so much, so sorry for the delay in my reply. I think you are totally right and it did have a lot to do with spending time with just the three of us; no distractions, no children around. I did make a long list and it really helped! 🙂

  3. I wish you all the very best going into Saturday. I know you will do really well and I’m sure you will have a great day. Sending positive vibes your way. I know you can do this! 🙂

    • Thank you so much (hug!). It went well, they were happy with the make-up and it was a beautiful wedding. I didnt make it to the end, but my sister totally understood. My next mission is losing some weight as I have seen a few of the wedding pics I’m in and – yuck. I hope you are feeling well, Karen x

  4. Hi karen!
    Don’t stress! Those closest to us love us unconditionally. Just having you by her side will be enough!
    A list is a great way of working through 1 thing/problem at a time.
    Your makeup will look great on everyone…have faith in yourself!! … xxxxxx

  5. I always tell myself, this too shall pass. I don’t always believe it but it is what keep saying in my head.
    You know how it goes, we have to face one thing at a time, or we get overwhelmed. Which often can trigger.

    Good luck with your evalutation. I hope they finally get you into treatment that works for you.
    Isn’t it interesting that we have to be “evaluated” for varied treatments. Stop evaluating and start helping I say.

    Cyber Hug for you “HUGS” All will be ok and your Mom and Sister will look amazing.

    • Thank you so much! Hugs right back! Thats a good things to try, saying this too shall pass. Like you say, even if we dont believe it at the time, it must get in there somehow and do some good. I hope you are feeling well, love Karen xx

  6. Ill be as succinct as I can in reply.. Perhaps a mindfulness practice could be valuable at this challenging point?

    You say you are not feeling well, and have a great urge and desire to be well for your sister’s big day. Great that you want to bring your best self to the table, but it sounds like a lot of pressure to have or be something other than what you feel RIGHT NOW.

    What would happen if you recognize the way you feel right now, but loosened the grip on wanting things to be some other way? Maybe even just for 2 minutes..

    .. To just feel what it is like to acknowledge the desire for something other than what you are feeling.. And do nothing- just see! There is a great poem called “Allow” by Dana Faulds

    I’m responding from my phone and slightly limited on capacity to share on this post – but look it up 🙂 an sit with it 😉
    … It is somewhere on my website under poems and practices if you have trouble finding (not likely;-)

    Wishing you peace,
    Jordi

  7. *hugs* Oh, I’m so sorry you’re feeling like bursting out of your skin! Anxiety and stress are absolutely killer–literally. A list will absolutely help and cogitative behavioral therapies (CBT, or talk therapies) may as well; they’re pretty effective in managing bipolar disorder, though it obviously takes time. Best of luck getting through this wonderful, stressful period in your life.

    P.S. Thanks for liking my post! As a new blogger, I really appreciate it! 🙂

    • Thank you so much! And I’m so sorry for the delay in replying. It really helps to know there are people out there that understand what I’m going through! Your blog is fab! You will have loads of followers in no time! Love Karen x

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