Let me kick this off by saying I l o v e m y f a m i l y. Love, love, love them.
I’ve been very lucky with my family (I mean as well as The Hubby and The Boy), my in-laws and extended family. I get on really well with them, they love me and I love them.
But sometimes the Bipolar Brain and the in-laws visiting don’t quite c l i c k in the way you’d like them to.
Some of my family are visiting us at the moment. They arent staying with us (as we just dont have enough room) and are camping near by. I find socialising so very hard at the moment. It’s partly due to the side effects of the meds, but more the fact that I dont seem to know how to interact with people like I used to be able to.
I find I dont know what to do with my body. . .
‘Ok Karen, keep a perminent, fixed smile on your face . . . no Karen, not like that, that just looks plain scary’
‘Right. Keep constant eye contact with whomever is talking to you . . . oh dear God, now they think you’re coming on to them’
‘Ill stand with my arms folded. . . oh no wait, that looks stand-off ish’
‘I know! I’ll put my hands in my pockets . . . nope, that looks like I’m lazy and not engaging enough’
Several of these thoughts flash through my mind all at once w h e n e v e r I’m talking to someone other than The Hubby or The Boy.
It’s e x h a u s t i n g.
But I know for me personally, it’s a warning sign that things aren’t too good if I start hiding from my family. I suppose that’s half the battle – recognising the little red flags that pop up, and trying to put a plan into action when they do.
Today I spent a good few hours out the house, just taking it easy with family at the campsite. And it was good.
Hard work, but really really good.
I hope you are all well.